Mom's Release

The trials and tribulations of a mom of four great kids!

Five Things They Don’t Tell You in Marriage Course

5ThingsMarriageCourse.jpgAs I sit here listening to my 16 and 14 year olds telling us (at the same time) their version of what just transpired upstairs, when one told the other to move from one chair because he needed to sit there to use the outlet next to said chair to charge his phone and she told him to find another outlet because she was there first (yes, I am serious!), I find myself inspired to write a post about what is going through my head right now….all the things they didn’t tell us in that marriage course we took before we tied the knot!

5 things they didn’t tell us in the marriage course:

  1. Babies are cute, but don’t be fooled – they will turn into teenagers and the cuteness doesn’t last nearly as long as the teen years!
  2. Teenagers will argue their point until the cows come home, regardless of how unbelievably WRONG they are, especially if it means out-doing their oh-so-close-in-age sibling!
  3. Did I already mention they are cute when they’re babies…?
  4. Don’t be fooled by your seemingly logical, considerate, compassionate children when they are small…all of that will fly right out the window once they reach their teens!
  5. They might get along when they’re little, but it’s highly unlikely that will continue once they become teenagers!

So, when you find yourself, like me, in these kinds of situations you never felt your (perfect) family would ever be in, do as I do:  take a deep breath…close your eyes…and stick your fingers in your ears as tightly as possible to block out the noise!  And a little vino never hurts, either!


Letting Go Really Sucks!

We had to make a big decision today. And I so didn’t want to make it. Our 16yo is finished writing exams and is off for the rest of the week. His friends are going skiing tomorrow and he wants to go. The hill is about 90 minutes away, by way of a not-so-great highway (typical of the roads in NS!) and his friend is driving. His 17yo friend. And I’m totally not ok with that. The thought of him driving on the highway, in a van full of teenage boys, for 90 minutes, scares the absolute heck out if me. Completely.

When we had our kids, I decided to stay home with them and that was really important to me. I wanted to make sure I was there to teach them, watch them grow and just always be there when they needed me. To not miss anything…and I truly feel like I got to see it all. But (naturally) they grew up so fast and in a blink, we find ourselves in a place where we’re dealing with things we really never imagined (see my post: 7 Ways to Survive Teaching Your (First) Teen to Drive). I’ve come to the realization that, quite frankly, I suck at letting go! I’m not even the over-protective, hovering mama who won’t let them out of my sight, or do anything without me (ok, I was a little like that with my first two, but I’m much better with my second two, really!). I’m an intelligent, very logical person and I truly believe our job as parents is to make sure our kids are ready and able to take care of themselves when they leave us for their own life adventures. But to do that, I have to let go and man, I am finding that so incredibly difficult…even knowing how important it is to do it! Whenever I have to make a decision about letting them do something that’s a little bit outside the “norm”, I struggle greatly. I’m a chronic worrier… it’s awful, actually – in these scenarios, every possible outcome goes through my head, most of it bad, rendering me incapable of making a decision. Thank heavens for my hubby…he keeps me grounded!

Unfortunately for the 16yo, being the oldest means he’s the one who has to pave the way and break new ground for us…things that we worried about letting him do in ninth grade are much easier for us to let our second oldest do, now that she’s there. We keep joking with him that as the oldest, he got most of our time, but he’s also our guinea pig, so to speak! I was the oldest, so I know just how he feels and I remember being that age and thinking my parents were so unreasonable and overprotective. Now I just want to thank them. And apologize! It’s not easy being here…especially when you know your children have to start doing things without you…you can’t keep them forever (not do I want to!) .Letting go2.jpg

So, we have to give him an answer…can he go? I left it up to my husband to decide because I trust his judgement completely…that, and he’s always telling me (nicely) that sometimes I’m still a bit too overprotective. He told him he can go (insert deep breath here). In my head, I know how important it is for him to be allowed to do this and even though I’m afraid of what might happen, I want for him to do it. I also know that it is highly unlikely anything bad will happen. He’ll get there and back without any trouble and will have a great day skiing – one he’ll remember for many years to come. And he’ll also be very grateful to have had the opportunity to do so. I’ll just have to hold on to those thoughts as I’m worrying…and I’ll feel good about it.

We thought it was hard to take care of them when they were babies…never imagined that it’s even harder to stop taking care of them.


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